OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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