please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
