: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize