As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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