My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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