Im at strip club and am horny
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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