he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
