last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
