Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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