4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
