maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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