So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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