i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
