when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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