I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize