Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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