Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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