my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
