i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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