She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
