Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
