Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize