Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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