why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
