He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
