What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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