Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize