at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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