He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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