he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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