I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
