im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize