i think my tv is drunk
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
