I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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