i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
