babies were throwing up all over the place
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
