I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
