Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
