I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
this is an emotional support booty call
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
