She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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