why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
