Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
