did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
