Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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