I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
