So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
