Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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