Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
