I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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