Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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