I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
