Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
