I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
