the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
