four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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