i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
