The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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