R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
