I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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