I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
