So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
