Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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