Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
