Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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