I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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