I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize