its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
