i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
