Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
