JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
