sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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