no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
