Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
