Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
