Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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