Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
