it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
