why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
