It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize